I'M 40!!!!!!! CRISIS AVERTED

THE PARTY

"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes, " Awww!" On the Road Jack Kerouac

I read that line when I was 15. It has stuck with me since. I carried around on a index card for years, folded and refolded shoved in my pocket. It's posted on my bulletin board at 2 o'clock from computer screen. And last night, forty years into what has become an almost magical journey, I "shambled after" and with my "mad" friends, some who have been there with me since I read that in high school, which is amazing to be able to say and some I met just last night. Some are older, some are younger; some are married, some single; some with kids; some without. But all were essential for the recipe that made my fortieth birthday, my most special and beloved to date. My "crisis" has always been that I am "desirous of everything at the same time". And several times at the party as things; people, conversations, kids, food, drink, fun, were swirling around like whirling dervishes, I felt at peace, in the eye of the hurricane, my perfect storm. At one point I looked out over the balcony, first down by the pool, my high school buddies kids swimming with my daughter, I saw all the plants and stones I planted and placed, then turned and looked as another longtime friend went back and forth between the grill with bratwurst cooking and then the wood fired oven, never been tested up til now, trying to stoke a fire up to 900 degrees. And then I glanced over to where another high school buddy and his pregnant(as in due any moment) wife sat reconnected with other old friends and my lovely wife. And scanned all the people that make my life so rich, and smiled and realized how I had "everything at the same time."